My world is black and white.

The day I decided to forgo my love for books, inadvertently of course, for the more 'gratifying' things, little did I know that my life would become all the more painful. This giving up was not a conscious one. It just drifted away from me slowly and was replaced by new, exciting 'things to do' lists.

Since then I have had whole lot of debacles in my relationships with friends and family. There have been loud outbursts; been on non-talking terms with quite a lot of people, for all sorts of silly reasons which otherwise have been overlooked; been extremely egoistic and in general been a difficult and high maintenance person.

Lately, I have put myself on monitoring and have come to realize two things. One is that, my self goes into a skip and dance mode as soon as I enter a book store. It is as if the whole surrounding gets transported into a mystical utopia and all my worries miraculously cease to exist. A non-describable feeling of ecstasy creeps in - almost orgasmic! The second thing is my brain tends to categorize the world as black and white. The good are always good and the bad are always bad. It simply does not process the shades of grey- probably a consequence of my mind living in a fictional world and being unable to bridge the gap between myth and reality. This is too much to expect from the real world - factually and actually - and is an utterly foolish hypothesis - quite well aware of that dearies. Hanging on to this attitude can well cost me my world one day. Hence am conspicuously learning to inject colour into my tolerance levels. So as facebook says- now I have friends in different categories - acquaintances, good friends, best friends, contacts, family and what not. Poor me! I used to be such a miserable soul previously when my brain would have categorized all these people into 2 lists - friends or non-friends.
Well, I am rich in that aspect at least! i have a bigger friends list.

Close encounters - of all kinds

The thing about turning 30 is that it makes you feel old one day and young on another. One starts frequenting the beauty saloon more often , pays attention to anti ageing and fight hair-fall products, becomes health and diet conscious all of a sudden and botox turns from a derision to an option. As for me, my mind has decided to take up musing as a hobby and chew the cud. Today as I take a break from a baffling work related issue, few close encounters I have had with mankind - of all kinds - become fresh in my memory.

There are people who are more divine than human. I have met one such soul, someone who has helped me out of all morbid portions without anything in return. We are not related, not even friends; connected through facebook - yes! I was not used to such selfless attitude of SUCH high magnitude, as my legacy is the extremely competent, rat racing Indian crowd. Yet, as it stands today, I do know this person, well, not well-enough though. Such creations are aberrations. As they say - they don't make such men no more! Dearies, not to worry. You have not missed the bus. Each one of us has a guardian angel somewhere. Its just that some of us, get to meet them in person ;)

Also, I have a friend who is a handy man. If there is one thing that would make the situation lighter, she always has that one thing in hand. My Mary Poppins - always holding the spoonful of sugar making the medicine go down! :) Such people shower positive aura all around them. They light up the room, touch you heart, patch every wound, rekindle hope. They are like a cup of warm tea on a rainy morning. I wish more of her would pour into my life.

At the other end of the spectrum, I have also chanced upon people who are self centered enough to deny help even to the sick and needy - people who turn away even in the most unmanageable situations; people who do not understand empathy and sympathy; who are driven by greed, selfishness and hypocrisy. I have nothing more to say. My heart weeps at this rendition and the fact that I need to be accommodating enough. Perhaps this is God's way of saying "Life is not a bunch [bed] of roses". I wish to keep away, yet I cannot, so I play it safe!

There are many more I want to talk about; life isn’t that short that one needs to fill it all on a blog. I ain’t going nowhere ;)
Enough said and done - I realize, we are not all buns from the same oven - we are rather an assortment of cookies- some sugary sweet, some deliciously addictive, some stale and better left untouched and some are naughty fortune cookies. Life gives you a taste of each in turn.

Weddings and more

Weddings galore - the one that always catches my interest and never fails to amuse and amaze me is the traditional Hindu wedding. I have attended quite a few - from uncomplicated, sophisticated ones to the obscenely extravagant ones. Its the second category that has proved to be the irritant and inspired this post.

Man, weddings have evolved and how! Evolved would not be the right word, it has rather mutated itself - from simple amoebic proportions to a monstrous high maintenance beast. The way it stands today; it is an arena for blatant, brassy show of wealth. Read somewhere about choppers being used to shower flowers and fragrance on the wedding crowd! Reminded me of all the drought stricken farmers who would have been sky watching waiting for baby food and water to be dropped. The saddening irony is that the impoverished Indian farmer is gullible enough to consider it as a Godly miracle.

The bride and her trousseau is surely an eye-catcher; thanks to the garish get up. The day is not far when one may have to wade through gold and gold and more gold to reach the bride. She stands there, saddled with the heavily brocaded Saree and tons of yellow metal in all sizes and shapes - thanks to its malleability and ductility. It is true its not the bride, rather the shine and amount of the metal on her, that gets noticed. My personal view is the bride should deck herself up just enough to look the prettiest, so that the ornament becomes a jewel; so that the bride becomes a jewel (not a jewellery store). In the southern most tip of India, south Kerala, strangely majority of the population is schooled enough to know the repercussions of dowry and its trade. They make sure the bride is covered up in gold and try to legitimize it under the 'wedding-ornament' banner. Smart! The more, the merrier. At the end of one such wedding, one feels the need to resort to Ostrich like behavior-- Ostriches stick their head into sand -- as the realization dawns about the demoralized, hypocritical social strata. I have seen the sparkle in the eyes of many a groom's family as they speak of the tonnage of the bride. The sparkle of triumph; the sparkle of lust; the sparkle which says ''yippe- hoo, my boy has brought home more than yours".

This is the Indian middle class who are yet to draw the line between classy and tacky behavior. For them, wealth has started trickling in. The inherent muddle of complexes forces them into such buffoonery. Not to fret, hope - the phoenix - is still alive. In the midst of this menagerie, there are people who are not prey to such 'all and sundry' behavior. They either have been rich through generations (and are too used to luxury so do not feel the need to flaunt) or are plain believers of "the simple living and high thinking" philosophy. Not sure whether you have noticed, it’s this category of people who always make a difference, who are the trend setters, who define the extent of modern outlook of India. It is through these people we all want to project our country to the rest of the world. My dear Fashionistas, as we know (you sure do if you live in a metro), its sexy to be metrosexual and make a difference. Who doesn’t want to be sexy? ;) Join in.

The grass is greener on the other side

Dearies, I work as a s/w freelancer, I have a toddler to run after and a neat little abode to manage. Some days pass by like a cake walk, some others like walking on fire - its a juggler's act all the way. Now that I am stepping on to my 30s, I sit back, put my feet up and reiterate my young journey. Memories and experiences flash by. And suddenly it is stuck at one point, going over and over the same lines like an old gramophone badly in need of oil. These pin pricks are small anecdotes of life which have hurt me, mentally or physically - let me share one with you.

I have seen the face of many a women distort when I tell them about my work. Mostly house wives - cant blame them though; the Indian housewife has had it all - managing the husband (the Indian male is the least emancipated of the entire human species), raising kids, handling in laws, keeping a home and cooking up innumerable meals - all this with no venting out. At the end of the day, any human being needs a way to puke their negative feelings. This venting out is conspicuously absent for the average Indian house wife; blame it on lack of time or lack of courage. Hence she is the most suppressed soul and a small scratch on the surface can ignite a volcano. I really do not find it strange anymore when extremely amiable ladies suddenly resort to showing their darker side when the conversation lands on the subject of career. It probably reminds them of a lost treasure.

A word to these ladies - True its nice to be successful and have a high flying career. There's always a lot of sacrifice involved everywhere. The grass just looks greener on the other side. We all are after the same thing, all the time - peace of mind. Shed the grudge and may I ask - "Will you be my friend, again?"

Death of a rationalist

Quite a while ago, I happened to be in a conversation with a rationalist. He was rattling on about how he would be conducting his offspring's wedding. (Please pay attention to the phrase -"conduct a wedding" . I mean generally, we conduct funerals and celebrate weddings. ) I remember comments of the nature - " Well, it will definitely be a register marriage. No hulla, no rituals and i don't give a damn of the girl's caste or religion". So far so good! - well look at the positive side, at least it has to be a GIRL - "progeny mandatory". My heart did go out to all those gluttons missing the wedding "SADYA".

Take two: Less than a year later, the wedding was planned - rituals minimised, yes. But the ordinary Hindu wedding it was meant to be, not a register marriage. And as a topping on the irony , a reception was organised as well. No qualms here, honey. Seems that in spite of extensive "girl- hunting", no girl's family could be convinced to CONDUCT the wedding.

Mate, its your choice whether you are agnostic, atheistic or religious.
Its your choice whether you are orthodox or traditional.
whether you are nude or clothed.
whether you are gay or straight;
married, sleeping around or living in.
LIVE AND LET LIVE.

One thing that I have always wanted to tell such people is " You have an opinion; its fine; just give space to other's views. Otherwise you can end up being a turn off ". I remember Jaya bachan's dialogue from Sholay " Agar jeevan mein ye rang nahin hai, tho phir kya hai"?

Please note: This is not meant to hurt any sentiments. This rationalist is a darling otherwise and a dear of mine . I dedicate this post to him with all due respect and also to Khushwant Singh (who was man enough to call a spade, a spade).